Have I Got a Car for You!
By Kurt Vonnegut
I used to be the owner and manager of an automobile dealership in West Barnstable, Massachusetts, called “Saab Cape Cod.” It and I went out of business 33 years ago. The Saab then as now was a Swedish car, and I now believe my failure as a dealer so long ago explains what would otherwise remain a deep mystery: Why… return to article
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Reader Comments (50)Page 1 of 1 pagesKurt Vonnegut deserves about 50 Nobel Prizes for Literature. I’ve been a huge fan for years. Funny that he wrote this now; just about two weeks ago, out of the clear blue, I e-mailed the Nobel Prize organization for Literature and told them to give Vonnegut a Nobel Prize. I asked them why they hadn’t yet. I think I even used some bad words. I never heard back from them.
Posted by Edgar Frog on Nov 24, 2004 at 11:15 AM There you go again, insulting the Swedes once more - short dicks indeed! Fatal mistake.
Posted by peter brody on Nov 24, 2004 at 12:54 PM Although I enjoyed this piece...Kurt’s alot funnier and more biting when he’s PISSED OFF!
LOL!
God bless him.
Posted by Liberal AND Proud on Nov 24, 2004 at 1:37 PM Wow. While I’m generally impressed with Mr. Vonnegut’s writing, his grasp of European engineering is marginal at best. I seem to recall that the East German monstrosity known as the Trabant was a sleek little 2 stroke (sarcasm intended). Lest we think only fully fledged socialist countries think mixing oil and gasoline is a good thing (I think they actually had pumps that delivered the devil’s brew). We can always look at the funny little company that became Audi DKW / AutoUnion. The company history even talks about the wonders of the 600cc 2 stroke.
He’s correct on the memory thing however.
Posted by J. Bengtsson on Nov 24, 2004 at 1:39 PM I have returned to this site everyday since the election hoping to hear some kernel of wisdom from Mr. Vonnegut. From my perspective Mr. Vonnegut is one of the few people suitably equipped to comment on this situation as it seems a lot like something that he might have written.
But this will do.
Posted by Otto Response on Nov 24, 2004 at 2:02 PM With all the crazy bullshit that blows around in this twisted World...the only thing keeping the night-terrors at bay is the knowledge that Mr. Vonnegut is alive, pissed and still kicking.
Thanks, Kurt.
Posted by Brian Cronin on Nov 24, 2004 at 2:50 PM Hell! I’m with Kurt: Damn Swedes! Their chocolate, like their watches, is too expensive. Maybe we can scratch the name off it and give Kurt Jimmy’s Nobel prize.
Posted by Brit Miller on Nov 24, 2004 at 3:01 PM He gets such shit and such mean comments on every remotely political article he writes, I’m not suprised that this one isn’t. It’s just as well, I think. He’s concluded, as have I, that we’re all one big piece of shit on a collision course with a fan. Why give ourselves heart disease over it? On a different subject; when is his next book coming out? I’ve heard it’s been in the works for some time. I’ve already re-read some of my Vonnegut collection. I’m getting antsy! Danke schon, Herr Vonnegut!
Posted by Ryan Conover on Nov 24, 2004 at 3:19 PM Kurt Vonnegut is one of the most interesting and courageouos writers alive, it is always a very interesting experience to read what he writes. He gets my nobel, or whatever ( as if we really had a say)
Posted by IGNACIO DOBLES on Nov 24, 2004 at 4:32 PM I’m Norwegian, but I’ve never heard the proverb Mr Vonnegut quotes. What’s more, it doesn’t really translate well into Norwegian—I suspect a certain amount of artistic license has been taken here (which is not to say that it’s not true; it would shed new light on a number of historical events.)
I have to admit that I’ve never heard about Saab watches, either; the Swiss rather than the Swedes come to mind when watches (or chocolate) are mentioned. Of course, for all I know, the Swedes may have had a successful watch-making industry but simply forgot to inform their neighbors.
That said, I will—at the risk of being labeled a yuppie—confess to being on my third Saab now. Maybe I have a good shot at the Nobel prize.
Posted by Thor Ivar Ekle on Nov 24, 2004 at 4:39 PM Thank you Kurt. Do a weekly piece for us. Put your webcam on Kiev, asap. Peace.
Posted by alan on Nov 24, 2004 at 5:02 PM Didn’t Kilgore Trout get a Nobel for lit? Or was that a Pulitzer? ;-)
Any chance of a new novel soon, Mr. V?
Posted by Kuya on Nov 24, 2004 at 6:11 PM AHHHHH The SABB, that ‘49 Ford looker Mr.V., was not the rason for missing the big prize:
Automobiles are devices designed by the devil to make man, woman,children, and potential Noble Prize winners swear and go to He.., and or the bank, a branch office always near you!
Excessive use of any of the two above mentioned offices negates the prize.
A.F. Mihalick Ph D physics
Posted by Alvin F Mihalick on Nov 24, 2004 at 6:19 PM I know some of the Americans don’t think a person should get himself into politics until he knows the country better, yes? So I didn’t vote though I could have because I didn’t know the issues, yes, and now I’m sorry. I live in Dayton, and could have helped the Senator John Kerry in Ohio. I am always kicking myself, yes.
I read every week the In These Times to work on understanding. The writing is good usually. I have not read the books of Kurt Vonnegut, so I can not say if he earns a Nobel Prize. I do know he writes the saying about Swedes very wrong. The saying is a Swedish one. It is from times of the Vikings.
“Norwegians have big boats for their small dicks.”
I am looking good to reading more of the writer Kurt Vonnegut. The e-mails are a happy time when I break from working nurses.
Posted by Jan Johnson on Nov 24, 2004 at 6:47 PM To Jan J, try “Slaughterhouse Five”. Interesting, imaginative, fun to read, and the film version is also quite entertaining (produced in the 1970s, can’t quite recall the specific year, I was just a young boy when I saw it). “Player Piano” is also a winner. Didn’t care much for “Breakfast of Champions”, especially the film (yawn), but those two books might be a good start if you want to try out KV as an author. Enjoy. :-)
Posted by Kuya on Nov 24, 2004 at 7:07 PM I had a ‘59 Saab that was a blast! I kicked the ass of a VW owner(friend)in a snow-clad hill climb in Vermont and he’s been an owner ever since. Kurt didn’t mention free-wheeling which was a great feature of that car.
Kurt is a true human analogue of the Saab and a great writer.
Posted by Ian McKee on Nov 24, 2004 at 9:44 PM J. Bengtsson! Yes indeed the Trabant… and the more luxurious Wartburg also had a 2-stroke. The Trabant also had a body made essentially of artificial material. And they were and are pretty indestructible. You could do anything with those cars, too. I saw a fellow in Hungary who had installed a saw over his Trabant engine and went from village to village cutting people’s firewood. These cars already have a cultural value that far surpasses anymost of the cheaper vehicles on the road in Europe. It rivals the French 2CV and the Bug, I would say. Esp. when it comes to recognizability.
And let me remind you: Audi… means listen in Latin, and in German you say “Horch!"… which was another great car.
But before we laugh at the 2-strokers… There was some fairly recent research done I believe by Ford (Europe) and a few others into 2-stroke technology. It has some advantages.
Posted by Talleyrand on Nov 24, 2004 at 10:05 PM Ohhh, I love the Alps! Most Americans say when they hear I’m from Sweden. I once asked an American collage student what’s the capital of Sweden. He answered Denmark.
The Alps, chocolate and watches are Swiss, from Switzerland.
Saab, Volvo ,Björn Borg and Abba are Swedish, from Sweden. Denmark is another country.
If you want to win the Nobel Prize it’s good to show you are not as ignorant as the president of the US.
Kurt made up a Norwegian proverb to score his point. That’s OK. Nowadays most Swedes drive Saab to compensate any shortcoming.
Posted by Bergman on Nov 25, 2004 at 6:01 AM Yea, he’s mainly a writer of fiction, and a writer overall, so no one cares if the proverb is perfect or even real at all. And yes he knows more than the President. For one, he says a customer made the watch remark, not himself. It’s ok to be critical of literature, but it always makes me laugh when i look on here at exactly what people choose to be critical about. This is why everyone is not a writer.
Posted by Ryan Conover on Nov 25, 2004 at 10:37 AM I’m know Kurt Vonnegut’s literature and I love him. I’m not a writer and never will be. Just caught the opportunity to be critical about the fact that a lot of people of the most powerful nation in the world are beeing ignorent about the rest of the world. This has consequenses far greater than mixing up Sweden with Switzerland.
Posted by Bergman on Nov 25, 2004 at 11:27 AM Trust me, there is no consequence in mixing up Sweden with Switzerland. I would be “bound to agree” if I was trying to sell them a car too. Idiots.
Posted by Ryan Conover on Nov 25, 2004 at 4:23 PM Fantastic Writer-Craftsman
Kurt is one of those rare writers of the past century who effortlessly could yank you right into the scene as if you were in it!
Thank you so much Kurt!
Take care Friend! Best to you and Jill and your family.
Posted by Steve on Nov 25, 2004 at 6:30 PM Not a very high level of language Ryan.
Ignorance in combination of current American politics has consequences for the rest of the world and ultimately for America itself.
Now, I know Kurt Vonnegut is an advocate against both of these. He just didn’t show it this time.
Posted by Bergman on Nov 26, 2004 at 3:30 AM It certainly isn’t a very high level of language. I do believe there is something to be said at times for speaking bluntly and coarsely. Right now is the perfect time: fuck off.
Posted by Ryan Conover on Nov 26, 2004 at 4:16 AM I recently posted a comment in another (political) forum and mentioned I was Swedish. I soon got an insulting reply complaining about the stupid Swiss…
Maybe Sweden should attack the U.S., since they will propably retaliate agains Switzerland.
Kurt’s quote about Switzerland was very funny, for those that understand the difference between Sweden and Switzerland (as I’m sure Kurt does).
Posted by Ulf Dahlen on Nov 26, 2004 at 5:51 AM My that proverb got them going.... It was only a little bit of hyperbole, no?
Posted by Talleyrand on Nov 26, 2004 at 5:52 AM Ryan represents well the two American stereotyps.
The ignorant and the ugly.
Posted by Bergman on Nov 26, 2004 at 8:03 AM A little bit of hyperbole indeed. As was the feigned confusion over Sweeden and Switzerland. The point, for those devoid of a sense of humor, was that many, no most, Americans couldn’t find either on the map, yet we support the same sort of ignorance from our leaders (assuming they aren’t malicious...questionable assumption, yes?) and willingly allow, no encourage, the blunders of our government, which cause countless deaths of innocents and accomplish nothing of moral value.
Try “The Sirens of Titan” for a truely religious Kurt-experience.
Thanks, Kurt for the many insights. Too bad so many miss the points.
Is it just America or is the whole damn world run by baffons?
Posted by Brit Miller on Nov 26, 2004 at 8:17 AM It appears Mr Conover has a bit of record when it comes posting rude and, um, blunt commments. I, for one, am not impressed.
As for finding places on the map: a study showed that 11% of Americans are unable to find the United States…
Posted by Thor Ivar Ekle on Nov 26, 2004 at 1:23 PM Austria and Australia also tend to short circuit the synapses. May I correct something: “we support the same sort of ignorance from our leaders"… We support our leaders because they “Sometimes pretend to) have the same level of ignorance… And we are an envious bunch. But this has little to do with one of our greater lights, Kurt Vonnegut. He and e. e. cummings were my nourishment at one time. I still delight in cummings.
Posted by Talleyrand on Nov 26, 2004 at 1:31 PM 11 percent of U.S. citizens or 11 percent of Americans? American doesn’t necessarily imply a citizen of the united states. It would not suprise me if 11% of ‘Americans’ couldnt find the U.S. on the map, depending on where the study took place. I’m truly not ignorant. I figure I’ll just be as rude as Europeans often are, fair enough, right? Everyone here is so damn witty, such smartasses. It isn’t even cute… at all.
Posted by Ryan Conover on Nov 26, 2004 at 2:09 PM Good point, Mr Conover—let me clarify. The study was conducted among thousands of young people in several countries around the world.
Of the U.S. citizens that participated, 11% were unable to place the United States on a map.
I will make an effort to be more precise in the future; hopefully U.S. citizens will also make a similar effort and stop referring to their country as “America” (as in “God bless America"), as well as stop saying “Europe” when they really mean one of the European countries.
I have never said or implied that you are ignorant. I did say, however, that you seem to have a track record of posting less than exceedingly polite comments.
I now understand that your style is a fair response to my own rude, witty, smartass, cute comments. Please forgive me.
Posted by Thor Ivar Ekle on Nov 26, 2004 at 2:30 PM Yes, Mr. Ekle, this style emerges when those synapses referred to by Mr. Talleyrand are having trouble connecting up there in the attic. The stem brain begins operating at full steam… It’s an eon old battle between evolution and Cro-Magnon, I’m afraid.
But you are absolutely right about how we should name ourselves. I have a Bolivian friend who is always enraged at this “America” business. After all, we are an economic colony of Saudi Arabia, China, and a few other nations, so we could put it to the vote. (I always thought Dubyah looked kind of Arabic—I mean the name, not the fellow, he looks like a best man come late to the wrong wedding-- Here’s the line up… Dubaí, Riyadh, Dubya, Fallujah, Al Aksa, Al Djezair, Basra… But I digress). GOod night.
Posted by Dr. Freud on Nov 26, 2004 at 4:25 PM I would love to know exactly who this study polled that they could find 11 percent of U.S. citizens who can’t locate the U.S. on a map. Go ahead and blame us for sometimes being ill-informed on world politics or geography, but I don’t believe that’s fair or indicitive of the average U.S. population. So let me clarify: since you don’t live here, it’s best to remember not to believe everything you read. Also, as in, “God bless America”, our country does lie in America, as in the continent. The song goes on, “My home, sweet home”. Yes, we live in America. Do we occupy all of America? No. I’ve never refered to a specific European country as “Europe” either. Politeness is for dinner parties.
Posted by Ryan Conover on Nov 26, 2004 at 8:42 PM We ought not to be too dependent on China for anything either. The only things the Chinese make are cheap trinkets tat sell in dollar stores and brake the day you buy them. Especially those Chinese pencils that smear everywhere, get chewed up by sharpeners, and leave a trail of pink anywhere you attempt to erase. Comments like, “We are a Saudi economic colony” are funny, and they’re certainly good for pissing people off… but that’s mainly all they do, piss people off. We can be witty and sarcastic amongst ourselves, but look what happens when we try it with the Republicans in this country: we get G.W. re-elected. We too often use biting sarcasm to try and outwit conservatives, and therefore win arguements and such. The problem is that conservatives watch the Daily Showand the like too, and nobody likes to be made to feel stupid. I’m a little off course here but so be it.
Posted by Ryan Conover on Nov 26, 2004 at 8:52 PM As far as I recall, the study was conducted among young students—aged 18 to early 20s or so. If I can remember or dig up the details, I’ll present them here.
What I do remember is that the study included thousands of participants and that the U.S. citizens fared poorly; the U.S. was certainly not the only country they were unable to locate on the map. (Cut me some slack here, but I think Afghanistan, Germany and possibly France were among them.)
I am afraid this appalling lack of knowledge IS indicative of the average U.S. population. Mind you, I don’t think this only applies to the U.S., but this is one country that should be able to do quite a bit better.
Oh, and let me clarify: I do live in the U.S.
Posted by Thor Ivar Ekle on Nov 26, 2004 at 10:23 PM Well, I must agree, and it does not sound funny at all… Our endless need for oil has made us dependent on countries like Saudi Arabia, and the money they have concentrated in the hands of the few make them very powerful players in our markets. I think this is one of Michael Moore’s points in F9/11. How else can one phrase it for those oh-too-delicate conservative ears… And watch out… the point is not lousy Chinese pencils… It’s money, cheap dollars, cheap labor, even know-how. It’s a rather complex issue, and there is no way to put it except in complex terms.
I know what you mean, Ryan, with being too savvy for the average voter of GWB. And that is the problem. It is a fundamental problem. The only way those voters will change is when they actually see the results. Like in 1929. So we become “pessimists”. Economically I wouldn’t mind. But the Bill of Rights… that is what is very worrying. What Menchen called the Booboisie is still very prevalent 85 years after he started using the term…
Posted by Talleyrand on Nov 27, 2004 at 8:02 AM So this is what the ‘great’ Vonnegut is good for? Cheap jokes, played out writing style, and meaningless drivel...? Why can I not ever be impressed by this fellow? So much hype, so little value.
Posted by Tony on Nov 27, 2004 at 2:38 PM I think Kurt Vonnegut would be a shoe-in for the Nobel if only he had included a dead pig’s head with flies buzzing around it somewhere in his oeuvre. And also maybe a character named “Piggy” too, just to make sure high school freshmen don’t miss the point. It worked for William Golding.
So it goes.
I can’t honestly think of someone more deserving of the Nobel than Vonnegut, in all honesty. Peace be with you all,
Mark
Posted by Mark Andel on Nov 27, 2004 at 3:46 PM Mark - Golding’s thing goes even further. Go to a public library, and check out the biggest collection of baby names and their meanings that you can find. Then, go through all the named characters in Lord of the Flies.
I’ll say this for American treasure KV - his whining about not getting the Nobel is far more pleasant and interesting to listen to than Norman Mailer’s. And as an American of Swedish descent, Vonnegut has us exactly right, sad to say.
Posted by Proteus on Nov 28, 2004 at 6:41 PM Oh tony, you have no soul, do you? All of life from one perspective is meaningless drivel. That is presicely what uncle Kurt is saying, has been saying for the last 40 years.
I suggest you read “ The Sirens of Titan”. I have never read meaningless drivel so poignant in my life. if that fails, read the introduction to “welcome to the monkey house”.
I sincerely hope your life gets better.
Posted by Agnok on Nov 30, 2004 at 10:24 AM the ignorance of the american people does not surprise me. 50 some odd million of them voted for a complete imbecile. as a citizen of the US, as well as veteran, i believe i have every right to speak out against the failed policies of this administration, they suck. unfortunately, they are exceedingly good at herding the sheep that are the so-called majority in the “heart-land”.
Kurt Vonnegut is one of the best modern critics, authors, thinkers, and satirists of our time. he has lived through more than im sure any of us has. he is someone to be learn from, not to be admonished.
Posted by SCOT.T on Dec 1, 2004 at 6:45 PM Andy Granatelli… and STP. No, not that awful concoction in the sixties that produced an amazingly high octane LSD experience, taken in the form of an orange barrel (pill form), oral tablet. But the oil additive that promised to keep that oil burning old beater of million’s of perfectly sane and intelligent American human being’s, rolling merrily past it’s prime for just pennies on the dollar.... “Just one more time, Cincinanti"… oh, please lord, just one more mile.
A friend of mine really freaked on the stuff, once… the orange barrel, that is. He kept seeing snakes and such and a few years later almost killed himself but for his skull, so thick, he only found living bliss in the State mental hospital for the rest of his [pathetic] days. No moral message intended here, not like he wasn’t already half cocked, as it were, before the STP—but I just love to digress (Thanks to you, KV).
My father and my grandfather both worked for Studebaker’s (Automobiles) and I once produced a photographic exhibit on the design’s of Raymond Loewy for my hometown museum: so you see there comes a recognition (or at least an interpretation) of what our master strokes (his pen)… that we are a culture inescapably and perhaps hopelessly ingrained with the road and the internal combustion engine. Route 666, and all that, and that that’s what the current conflict’s are about, eh?
http://www.theavanti.com/Granatelli.html
http://www.theavanti.com/Loewy.html
“Choking smokers, don’t you know the joker laughs at you?”
Posted by Tim Christopher on Dec 4, 2004 at 12:43 AM For Thor Ivar Ekle: I am pretty sure Kurt knows that the Swiss (not the swedes) make great chocolate and watches. It was merely to make light of the fact that some Americans might confuse Switzerland/Sweden.
Posted by Robert Reel on Dec 10, 2004 at 10:12 PM For Robert Reel: You know what, I think Mr. Vonnegut knows this, too. And I think he knows that my remarks were a thinly veiled attempt at attacking the Swedes (with whom we Norwegians have a long-standing rivalry.)
Sometimes the meaning is hidden just one level deeper, and you have to keep digging.
Posted by Thor Ivar Ekle on Dec 11, 2004 at 3:24 AM Wow. This story sucked REALLY REALLY hard.
In These Times: Yeah, the Vonnegut thing is cool and all—nice work getting him to write for you.
But seriously! Don’t just print whatever bullshit he deigns give you. Vonnegut might as well have just wiped his ass and faxed you the toilet paper.
Kurt: Pull your shit together or stop writing.
Posted by WOW on Dec 11, 2004 at 4:18 PM His hilarious and grim satire is really worth an award of some kind. So he is a very controversial writer. That just makes him better. Reading In a Manner That Must Shame God Himself gave me a representative example of his dark humor (reccomend it to any who have read this or cold turkey and are just beginning your Vonnegut appreciation). Vonnegut is a very deep seeded pessimist and his writings seem to convey a twisted form of optimism to me. Am I crazy or reading this wrong?
Hey, what is a Nobel worth anyway?
Now i just have to focus and finish this term paper on him before tommorrow.
I wonder what is on TV right now?
Posted by Mr. Wheeler on Dec 12, 2004 at 10:41 AM Thor Ivar Ekle: Have I got a car for YOU! The 1933 ‘Rockne’
http://home.no.net/birgerro/studeb3.htm
http://www.studebakermuseum.org/rockne.htmMentioning rivalries… I dusted off my VHS copy of [url="http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0032676/"
]’Knute Rockne - All American’[/url] for the following quotes from his presentation to a Washington committee investigating alleged corruption of college athletic programs. Obviously, these same allegations continue to this day, but also date back to ancient Greece where an idealized form of athleticism first initiated - and so the dialectic exchange remains essentially the same....“Games such as football are more than merely helpful to boys, they’re an absolute necessity to the nations best interests.”
Committeeman: “Just why is football so vital to the public welfare?”
“Because, every red blooded young man in any country is filled with what we might call the “natural spirit of combat.” In many parts of Europe and elsewhere in the world, this spirit manifests itself in continuous wars and revolution. But we have tried to make competitive sport serve as a safer outlet for the spirit of combat and I believe we’ve succeeded.”
..."The most dangerous thing in American life today is… we’re getting soft, inside and out. We’re losing that forceful heritage of mind and body that was once our most precious possession.”
...."We [college coaches] have spent our lives trying to work out that flaccid philosophy.”
Seems a bit of a contradiction, doesn’t it? And one might also contend that such moral aggrandizement of gridiron combat merely fronts as a prelude to making war an acceptable form of national expression. There’s the overblown legends created by fanatical sports writers, like; The “Four Horsemen” (and the “Seven Mules") of Notre Dame, where religion and biblical philosophy enters into the grand illusion. Reagan Republican’s still chant their “Win one for the Gipper” in support of their concept of forceful heritage in this current so-called War on Terrorism. Goddamn glory.
And Indeed, despite what America comparatively spends on military and security concerns, there remains this absurd belief that our nation is somehow soft and being swayed by the devil. Evil Howard Stern, evil Michael Moore, evil pregnant mommy killers, evil same sex marriage, evil bible banning liberals, and so on.
It’s interesting to note, I think, that [url="http://www.bushin30seconds.org/150/view.html?ad_id=123"
]George W. Bush[/url] was a cheerleader at his alma mater and that when the President travels, the “Football” always goes with him: that’s the official name for the remote communications device that would allow our commander in chief to initiate a nuclear war should it ever become necessary while away from the White House. An American President never leaves home without the “Football.” (What’s in YOUR wallet?)I would also like to interject here an observation I have of the Cohen Brother’s movie, ‘Fargo’ and suggest to you that the story implies that automobile’s are the root source of all evil and conflict in America. American automobiles can drive even perfectly peaceful Swedes & Norwegians - quite mad, you see. It’s our culturally forceful heritage (with elements of greed and envy mixed in) manifesting itself in what is sometimes referred to as “road rage.”
Will Rogers: “America is the only country in the world where you can drive to the poorhouse [or the monkey house] in an automobile.”
Rogers also remarked on Rockne’s death: “It takes a big calamity to shock a country all at once, but Knute, you did it. You died one of our national heroes.”
And so it goes.
And, oh, by the way… though Nobel was a Swede, it’s actually the Norwegians that vote for the prize winner’s, eh? http://www.nobel.no/eng_com_nor.html
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