Features > February 5, 2004

Ghost Writer

By Studs Terkel

I have a scoop. I know who wrote Dubya’s State of the Union address. It was William Claude Dukenfield, a.k.a. W.C. Fields. Rarely has the master of outrageous humor been in such top form.

Unfortunately, he was unavailable to deliver the monologue himself. His choice as surrogate was an inspired one: a comic known as Dubya. Though this clown was not celebrated for his quickness of wit, his “speech” was a lulu. For some unexplained reason, nobody laughed.

When Dubya, deadpan fashion, spoke of the liberation of Iraq, a day after 100,000 Baghdadis gathered in the streets, hollering, in effect, “Vamoose, Yankees,” the Capitol’s extras, as directed by the master, stood up on cue and applauded.

When Dubya spoke of “No Child Left Behind,” he momentarily goofed. He said “child,” instead of “child’s.” Remember in The Old-Fashioned Way (1934), one of Field’s great moments was his surreptitiously booting Baby Leroy in his little behind.

When Dubya defended the U.S. Patriot Act, memories of Fields and his buddy, Tammany Young, in It’s a Gift (1934) were evoked. Recall the scene when the two grabbed the withered old crone at the end of the bar and tossed her out, thus freeing the saloon of a terrorist.

Dubya’s interpretation of the tax cuts—who is screwing whom—was basically a variant on Fields’ classic dictum, “Never give a sucker an even break.”

The memory evoked by that sequence of his performance was of the most moral movie ever made, a two-reeler, The Fatal Glass of Beer (1933). Fields and his wife, Rosemary Theby, are seated in a shack in the Frozen North. They are awaiting the release of their nebbish son from the pokey where he had spent time because of embezzling funds. After a rapturous greeting of their lost but now found boy, Fields asked, “Where’s the money, son?” The poor soul replied, “Father, I’ve gone straight and returned the money to the rightful owners.” Without missing a beat, Fields and the missus took the boy by his arms and feet and tossed him out into the blizzard. Came the master’s most memorable line, “It ain’t a fit night out for man or beast.”

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• Reader Comments

  why don’t we hear more serious criticism’s of bush and his family?  to this day we hear about the clinton’s and their brothers.  neil bush is every bit the thief that bc is.  gwb’s father is the country’s 2nd most prominent liar.  gwb’s niece and daughter’s are drug addicts.  his mother is a pig.  they went back 20 years to investigate the madison guaranty and loan fiasco, but it is never mentioned that neil bush stole about as much money as clinton and his friends did.

  Posted by Robert C. Keever on Feb 5, 2004 at 2:05 PM

  Studs, you are still THE MAN! What a great take on the state of our union. It’s a shame that the only one who seemed to see the humor in it was Ted Kennedy. I loved watching him wince at sine of Dubya’s laugh lines. As a former journalist, it amazes me that the mainstream media—and so much of their audience—believe that if they criticize Dubya or call him on any of his crap, they are unpatriotic. Has anybody looked up the meaning of the word “democracy” lately? Rage on, Studs, we love you.

  Posted by Jim Graham on Feb 5, 2004 at 2:28 PM

  Atta boy, Studs! Give ‘em the old U. of C. shuffle. I thought there were also undertones of Groucho Marx there, too.

  Or Harpo, maybe?

  Posted by jtsnyder on Feb 5, 2004 at 3:58 PM

  Its a humdinger, really appreciated the humour of it. Thanks

  Posted by kath on Feb 5, 2004 at 4:07 PM

  Precious good ‘ol Studs.  And, don’t hold our collective breath, folks.  The next ‘act’ will secure the theft of the next election, and it will be difficult to remember W.C. then.

  Posted by daigu on Feb 6, 2004 at 2:22 AM

• extended discussion >>>Continued...

  Discussions with more than 5 comments are continued on our special discussion page to encourage continuity and ease of use. There are currently 10 posts.

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